Resist Sucking on Trump’s Saggy Balls

The 2024 election could be where democracy dies.

October 30, 2024

It won’t be long, and it’ll all be over. In a matter of days, those who haven’t already graced the polls will brave Election Day, turning out in droves to decide the fate of the nation. By the end of the night, come hell or high water, either Donald Trump or Kamala Harris will be elected the next President of the United States. It’s going to get wild. Watching the madness unfold will be millions of Americans gathered in their homes and neighborhood watering holes, huddled around computers, televisions, and phones, drunkenly waiting to see the results of a race that is presently neck and neck, perhaps watching as if their lives depend on it. In many ways, it does. Never before has there been so much at stake from an election. Trump has a plan for America, and it ain’t good. Everything you’ve ever known about this country ultimately stands to be ripped to pieces, allowing the enslavement of future generations. For those poor bastards who have temporarily stopped drinking to participate in Sober October, prepare yourselves for the hangover of a lifetime. November 6th could hurt like a motherfucker.

Trump, the redneck favorite, the hillbilly hero for those looking to put their proverbial shit-kickers up the asses of progressive America, wants to kill Democracy. This means further stripping women of their bodily autonomy – making it illegal to have abortions and even hindering access to birth control – keeping the fairer sex churning out loads of snot-nosed kids so that the United States has an ample surplus of factory workers and soldiers at its disposal. That’s if they aren’t gunned down in the classroom first. At the same time, Trump is itching to eliminate anyone with brown skin by any means possible. He’s promised mass deportation, but goading his generic Gestapo toward violence to get it done is well within his wheelhouse. Trump has already proposed unleashing the National Guard against “radical left lunatics,” so if he’ll sic military forces on citizens exercising their right to free speech, undocumented migrants don’t stand a chance. The orange bastard has spent his campaign preaching how he’s going to clean up the country, making no qualms about ridding the nation of immigrants while constantly speaking in terms of eradicating “the enemy from within,” which is presumably the “vermin” and scum” that he believes in earnest have robbed Americans of ample opportunity. Any legal citizen who disagrees with Trump’s policies will, too, be deemed a dreg. “We got a lot of bad genes in our country right now,” Trump said during a recent episode of The Hugh Hewitt Show. Meanwhile, many of Trump’s supporters appear to be as genetically advanced as banjo-strumming sister-fuckers from the foothills of Appalachia. They seemingly lack intelligence and appear to dine exclusively at Cracker Barrel.

Hey, even Trump hates them. “I don’t care about you. I just want your vote. I don’t care,” Trump said recently during a campaign rally in Las Vegas. Was he kidding? Maybe not. Trump’s former staffers even admit that the Republican candidate has nothing but contempt for his backers. “Behind closed doors, Trump mocks his supporters — calls them 'basement dwellers,'" said Trump’s former press secretary and communications director, Stephanie Grisham, during her DNC speech in Chicago. And the smears keep coming. Former homeland security adviser to Vice President Mike Pence, Olivia Troye, told the New York Times in 2020 that Trump calls his fan base “disgusting.”

Worse than Trump backstabbing his admirers is his selfish willingness to destroy America. Make no mistake about it: Donald Trump is the voice of a modern-day Hitler. Some of his former cabinet members have come forward in the past few weeks to confess that the rise of Donald “Der Führer” Trump is precisely his goal. When discussing private conversations had with Trump in the White House during his last clown shoe performance as the 45th president, these folks affirm that he demands loyalty to him above the Constitution. They’ve now come out to say that he’s “dangerous,” a “fascist,” and wholeheartedly believe that he’s ultimately “unfit to be president.” Hey, these people were behind the scenes of his shitshow, they should know

I tend to agree – Trump is the wrong fit for this country. Don’t get me wrong; my attitude against this fool is not because I’m part of the woke culture, suffering from Trump Derangement Disorder (TDS), or demand less sensitivity from an increasing culture of crybabies. I’d like to think I’m a champion for the progressive. I am, however, guilty of making bold, not-so-politically correct statements on occasion that would certainly lump me into the category with the old, out-of-touch farts. The softening of society gets under my skin, just like it does most guys of my generation (X) and I think the cancel culture is one of the greatest enemies of free speech the country has ever seen. Furthermore, I don’t see how talentless social media influencers are getting famous without the ability to shred the guitar or write a decent piece of literature. I’ll admit, albeit embarrassingly, to being somewhat perplexed about why a man would want to become a woman. None of this discernment, however, means that I’m remotely opposed, sickened, or feel threatened by the existence of a contrasting lifestyle. I certainly don’t harbor any ill will toward anyone who maintains a way of life beyond my scope of comprehension. I’m not against it, I just don’t understand. It can be difficult, at times, for people to fathom social dissimilarities that were not part of their formal upbringing or fail to inhabit their discourse on the day-to-day. Let’s just keep talking.

Take, for instance, the issue of marijuana. Loads of Americans were taught early on that the consumption of cannabis was a detriment to their well-being. They were told that only the downtrodden of society, the losers, used this dangerous drug, and they too would join this army of underachievers if ever they fell susceptible to its dark, smoking wrath. Weed was the foundation of President Nixon’s Drug War, for the love of fuck, and Nancy Regan told us to Just Say No. Millions of people have been arrested and convicted of marijuana possession since the early 1970s. Yet, over 50 years later, while the stigma remains to some degree, marijuana is now legal in most of the United States. Everyone in America seems to be getting high these days. It’s just the way it is now. Even those who don’t consume the herb no longer think it’s a dangerous drug and realize they were lied to. Progress has been made. Even the presidential candidates in the upcoming election have shown interest in instituting federal marijuana reform – perhaps finally making legal marijuana part of the American economy. Weed has gone mainstream.

We should always keep in mind that progress takes time. Some Americans, just like me, still cannot wrap their heads around the intricacies of the transgender. It’s not that we’re against it, we just don’t understand. We’re ignorant. It is foreign to what most of us were taught by an antiquated educational system, which argued that boys were boys and girls were girls. We’re learning now that it gets more complicated than that. Bare with us.

Despite this flaw, however, what other people do with their bodies and their short lives on this godforsaken planet is up to them. You do you, I’ll do me. After all, the unconventional, hard-to-digest nature of my personality and lifestyle has probably sparked criticism from those who don’t share in its peculiarities. There’s lots about me to dislike. I can be a bit of a cynic, for starters. I also like weird music and films that don’t always make conventional sense. I don’t need storylines to be linear, nor do I need art to reflect a deeper meaning than what it is at face value to be brilliant. I hate people who use the word “brilliant.” But more than all of that, I can get petty. I have, for example, nothing but contempt for Kid Rock and his fans, and I think people who latch on to the swollen teat of pop culture are simply too dim-witted and self-unaware to know what really turns them on. Oh, and if you don’t “get” Seinfeld or can’t appreciate the humor, we cannot be friends, not ever. This, I’m afraid, is non-negotiable.

I, too, can be a bizarre guy socially. At times, I’m a raging, uncompromising asshole who doesn’t give two flying shits about alternative opinions. I’ve dabbled in narcissism and hypocrisy. I detest those who do the same. I can be a royal asshat, a turd in a punchbowl, and I don’t always say or do the right thing – not giving a damn who I piss off -- but I’d also like to think I’m still a nice guy. There are plenty of people out there that I’ve encountered in my decades on this Earth who would attest to my many societal disadvantages. I’m not offended by it, either. I’m perfectly aware that my defects can be off-putting. But hell, intelligent discontentment is what America is all about. Our differences are what makes this country interesting, and while I may not understand something today, that doesn’t mean I won’t have more compassion for it tomorrow. So, rather than vehemently oppose people, things, and ideas that I’m unable to process at the moment, I try to move forward with an open mind, receptive to the possibility that I might learn something along the way. This policy has worked out for me in my adult life. I’ve met countless people all over the country who have given me a reason to reconsider a position or stimulated ponderance to an angle that I may not have otherwise examined. Not about Kid Rock, but other things. What’s cool is I know that this education will continue until the day I die, as long as I am permitted to mingle with misfits, those who may not themselves make any conventional sense. That’s the problem with Trump and his supporters. Not only are they incapable of grasping what it means to be a tolerant, empathetic person, but they appear hellbent on implementing a savage agenda that aims to snuff out the misunderstood. This is the wrong path.

Listen, my beef with Trump is vast, but it’s not for the same reasons expressed by a legion of his loyal opposition. I don’t care that Trump spews mean, wild shit, has bad taste in music or thinks he’s the greatest genius the world has ever seen. I don’t even mind all that much that he’s nowhere close to presidential. Sure, these attributes brand him a douche and a dolt, but the loathsome nature of his goonery is not what rubs me the wrong way.

What does is Trump’s bizarre connection to the Christian Nationalism movement and the ultra-conservative Project 2025. Trump, who has maintained he has nothing to do with the radical right’s plan to reshape America, even though it was written by dozens of his cronies, wants to rule the nation under two Gods, him and Jesus Christ. He hasn’t been shy about it either.

“Christians, get out and vote, just this time. "You won't have to do it anymore. Four more years, you know what, it will be fixed, it will be fine, you won't have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians,” Trump said in July. He then went on to reiterate his crispy proclamation, saying, “I love you, Christians. I'm a Christian. I love you, get out, you gotta get out and vote. In four years, you don't have to vote again, we'll have it fixed so good you're not going to have to vote.”

Trump’s comments reveal a blatant desire to destroy democracy in the interest of a Christian agenda. His genius plan to Make America Great Again deviates from the foundational design of America as it was established by our forefathers nearly 250 years ago. Thomas Jefferson and crew didn’t want godly involvement in the American experiment, certainly not by a sole entity. "It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg,” Jefferson wrote when defining religious liberty. The counsel of a higher power was never supposed to have any influence on this country’s laws or freedoms, hence the separation of church and state. It’s the basis of free speech. "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,” reads the First Amendment.

Contrary to popular opinion, all the “In God We Trust” mumbo-jumbo didn’t stick until 1956. It first appeared during the Civil War but was later made the official slogan of the United States to ward off communism and reflect historical values. But embracing this motto for the whole of the nation has a dark side. These Bible-thumping radicals have worked relentlessly for decades to advance their mission to use the holy writ as the playbook of the US government. Lucien Greaves, founder of the Satanic Temple, told me last year that this ultra-conservative movement has been swelling in power ever since the end of segregation. Christian Nationalists now have their poster child, which just so happens to be some entitled bitch boy named Donald Trump, a man who America knows was friends with sex trafficker Jeffery Epstein, has been found liable for sexual assault, and admits to grabbing women by the pussy without their consent.

Amen?

Listen, Trump wants to be a dictator, not an agent of democracy. He is the antithesis of freedom. His goal is to dismantle what it means to be American, a mission largely guided by radically conservative ideals and proposed atrocities against its people, and if he gets elected, you can bet he’s going to get started ripping America apart on day one. Trump’s supporters, however, don’t give a rat’s ass about his desire to become a hammer-fisted autocrat like his buddies Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un, nor do they care if Trump wants to make Jesus Christ the focal point of the United States government. They don’t understand why narrowing the divide between church and state is such a bad way to live. After all, what could be so dangerous about allowing biblical morality to guide the population day to day? The problem, of course, is that morality isn’t contingent on faith in any god, much less one. Many Americans define morality as adhering to one simple rule: Do what you want as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. We don’t need some invisible sky goon threatening to drag us all to the depths of hell if we don’t live right. We’re going to proceed with kindness, generosity, and love regardless of whether eternal darkness is our only reward. Just let us live, dammit.

Trump humpers are so bothered by the concept of the “melting pot” that they have opted to forgo freedom if it means they can stifle prosperity for anyone who doesn’t look or act like them. They don’t just want to whitewash the nation. They want to revert to simpler times when whites reigned supreme, sex was only between a husband and wife, and being gay was a vile disease. What these people want is to live in a society where they’re free to lash out against the pulse of progress and stage a constant, potentially violent uprising against any ideas or people they deem a threat. They’ve soldiered up to demand this way of life, working to dismantle the First Amendment through book bans and religious gatekeeping. They’re terrified of conflicting morality, so much that they would rather allow Trump to rule the United States as a brutal dictator than endure a Harris administration. Many of Trump’s supporters use bizarre interpretations of the Constitution to justify their Podunk proclivities and will surely remain consistent. Some even believe that Trump was sent here by God himself to save America. It’s lunacy of the highest order. These “disgusting…basement dwellers” fail to recognize, however, that employing a dictator, even one guided by some supernatural nonsense, means the execution of a sovereign nation and a loss of opportunity for all. It forces America to pucker up and suck on Trump’s saggy balls.

Resist.

As a young whippersnapper, it never crossed my mind that this thing called democracy could be overthrown, certainly not by one of our own. We were taught that the US military was in place to prevent communists and other enemies of the state from infiltrating the nation and seizing control. It felt safe and unbreachable. Little did we know, the biggest threat to America's freedom, as it is written in the Constitution, not how the Christian Nationalists see it, was to be some rich, querulous putz from New York.

Kamala Harris, on the other hand, may not be the perfect choice as our next president, but at least she doesn’t want a governmental overhaul that demands a faith-based mandate that defiles the intentions of America as it was founded. Sure, she was sort of thrown into the ring at the last minute to prevent the Democratic Party from suffering utter devastation after millions of voters watched Joe Biden’s brain take a shit on the debate stage right before their very eyes. But she’s here now. Harris may not have the ability to institute all the changes Americans need to drag themselves out of the pit of despair that most of us have been wallowing in for years. The price of eggs might not go down. But Trump doesn’t possess the power to forge notable change either, no matter what he says. At least Harris can promise voters democracy and let America live to fight another day.

For now, that’s good enough for me.

How the election will turn out -- that’s anyone’s guess. It will be close, bet on it. I’m choosing to trust the majority to do the right thing, to act with the same intelligence that brought us this far as a nation without an implosion. Fair warning: Long before a winner is declared, dirty deeds will erupt from the darkest of the unhinged. This is the most treacherous test of democracy that the so-called Land of the Free has seen since its inception. It will come to blows – arsonists will run rampant, buildings will get vandalized, and good people will be hurt. Get out and vote, but protect yourself at all times.